diumenge, 7 de maig de 2017

Day 9: Mania

Mania is a state of abnormally elevated arousal, affect, and energy level, or "a state of heightened overall activation with enhanced affective expression together with lability of affect."[1] Although mania is often conceived as a "mirror image" to depression, the heightened mood can be either euphoric or irritable; indeed, as the mania intensifies, irritability can be more pronounced and result in violence.
The nosology of the various stages of a manic episode has changed over the decades. The word derives from the Greek μανία (mania), "madness, frenzy"[2] and the verb μαίνομαι (mainomai), "to be mad, to rage, to be furious".[3]
The symptoms of mania are the following: heightened mood (either euphoric or irritable); flight of ideas and pressure of speech; and increased energy, decreased need for sleep, and hyperactivity. They are most plainly evident in fully developed hypomanic states; in full-blown mania, however, they undergo progressively severe exacerbations and become more and more obscured by other signs and symptoms, such as delusions and fragmentation of behavior. (...) Mania, however, may be divided into three stages: hypomania, or stage I; acute mania, or stage II; and delirious mania, or stage III. This "staging" of a manic episode is, in particular, very useful from a descriptive and differential diagnostic point of view. (...) 
Because mania and hypomania have also long been associated with creativity and artistic talent,[8] it is not always the case that the clearly manic bipolar person needs or wants medical help; such persons often either retain sufficient self-control to function normally or are unaware that they have "gone manic" severely enough to be committed or to commit themselves. Manic persons often can be mistaken for being on drugs. - Wikipedia 

Note: Being manic or in a manic episode is not being a maniac as in violent killer as it is portrayed in movies - lol. It is similar to being on drugs for a long time, some may become violent/irritable, some may play all day, some may rant and rave and believe things that are not real. What would you do? Who would you be?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be famous during hypomania and mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was a living fictional character while on mania.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I had interdimensional abilities during mania - without crossreferencing if that was so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I had superior powers to change the world by myself during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed of my mania experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe everyone was after me during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply limits when talking to others/talk too much while on manic and hypomanic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and make things up that are not real during mania - without crossreferencing if they were real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions of what was real or not - just because I believe something, and it 'feels right' it does not mean it is real -.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was the center of the world during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fictional self and world and abilities  during my manic episode - without crossreferencing any of it - and share it with others before making sure it is real, so it was not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I had extraordinary powers during manic episode, without crossreferencing if it was real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed msyelf to see that even if others agree and go along with my delusion, it does not mean that it is real. They might be only playing or deluded themselves too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others might judge me for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that a manic episode is simply believing things that are not real, and it is not something to be ashamed of as 'ordinary people'  do this every day when we believe in fear for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fears others believing I am crazy for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mind-reality and try to impose it on the outside while on manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will believe I am unstable for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that being manic is no different than being on drugs so I should try to 'behave' if I ever am on a manic episode again as it is no excuse to say things that are not real because on a deep level there is self awareness and I know something does not add up in my delusions - only that I ignored it in the past and just 'went with the flow'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself go with 'what felt good' during manic episode, which was a mess of preaching things that are not real, instead of remaining centered and check before I speak if what I am going to say is real, and if what I think is real or not.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore the inner awareness that something did not add up during my manic episode, delusions did not add up/make sense but instead of questioning them I went along with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I did not know better and that I don't have to judge myself for having 'gone along' with my manic episode, only to be more aware if there is a next time - and to always be aware no matter what the circumstances.

I forgive myself for 'making an ass out of myself' during my manic episode through making up a story and believing it is real just because it felt good and suited my desires and fed my ego.

Whenever I see that I want to be famous, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't need recognition from others, or more sex from being famous, so I let go of this.
I commit myself to let go of my desire to be famous, recognized and desire to have more sex.
Whenever I see that I believe things about me which are extraordinary, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to crossreference everything, double check, and make sure, that I have or am something which is not ordinary - before I can talk about it  - because it might be a delusion.

I commit myself to stick to the ordinary living breathing being and not believe I am any delusion - but crossreference any perceptions about who I am to make sure it is not a delusion. I commit myself to stick to breathing and remain grounded no matter what.

Whenever I fear others will judge me for having had a manic episode, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is irrelevant if others judge me and that I can explan to them if they ask simply what is a manic episode - 'free drugs' from the brain for days - and to ask them what would they do if they 'had free drugs from their brain' and who would they be - as it is not an easy challenge.

I commit myself to stop preoccupying how others will react to knowing I had a manic episode and instead work with what comes up and explain things if required.

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