dilluns, 8 de maig de 2017

Day 10: Accepting things as they are at the moment

I am bipolar, well, I have to accept it as how it is at the moment. No use in reacting to it. I 'lost some of my time' in ups and downs - well, this is how it is, no use of reacting to that either. Maybe it all is the price for some gifts.

Today I dreamt I was in a sort of competition to gain attention, they had this bottle of vinegar that they would pass along and they would drink, I picked it up and drank a lot in a showy manner and helped win our team, which was a very good looking guy but that needed an extra push to win. When I was drinking the vinegar I thought well I can drink a lot because there are acids in the stomach as well, and everyone was amazed at how much I drank, but it is funny because it didn't taste of vinegar although it had the colouring of vinegar, it was like water to me.

So this dream is a good illustration having to 'take one for the team' although in the end it is not that bad, I don't care to have bipolar in this life, in this journey to life that I am in and we are all in as well, and it may seem from the exterior that I am suffering because I have bipolar but although I had rough times - and good times - it is not an issue for me, it contributes to assist myself and through that contribute to the bigger picture because being bipolar one can live what it means to participate in the extremes of the mind so it talks a lot about the mind and why it is important to stop it/manage it appropriately. I am doing the DIP Lite Course for that, because I see how I have been deluded by the mind and what happens in the extremes of feel-good and feel-bad and although one don't have to fear it it is not practical,so may as well get rid of it completely and be stable and happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to having 'lost time' due to being bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'there is a straight path' and if I 'deviate from this straight path' then I am doing it wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see bipolar as a burden instead of as a gift.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that everyone's path to life will be different in what challenges one has to face.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value enough the experiences I had during bipolar ups and downs - as there may lay some keys to my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the importance of the experiences I had during bipolar as what they tell about the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change when I have a lot of serotonin or when I have less of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that once one has bipolar's then their life is 'done'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see bipolar's for what it is, temporal imbalance of the chemicals in the brain that can be prevented through medicine and treatment.

Whenever I think I've lost time due to being bipolar, I stop and I breathe. I realize that everyone's  process is different and I don't have to judge mine.

I commit myself to not judge or compare my path to others as there is no use in doing that.

Whenever I see bipolar as a burden instead of a gift, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can help other bipolars and not bipolars through talking of experiences and insights and that I don't know what more can I do with bipolar yet.

I commit myself to investigate what is possible to do with bipolar.

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